Inner Peace

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So recently I was faced with an uncomfortable situation.  My painting partner couldn’t attend a Paintnite due to a conflicting work schedule.  No biggie, right?  I would just find someone to come along with me since the ticket was already paid for and enjoy a couple hours kid free. Except, that’s exactly what did not happen.  I couldn’t have even paid someone to go with me that night.  Totally circumstantial of course but it still stung.

So I did the somewhat unthinkable. I attended a social event alone. I certainly wasn’t going to let 2 tickets go to waste!  I packed up my bag, said goodbye to my little family and ventured off….

It was really awkward to show up there alone, grab a drink alone and find a seat…alone.  Once I sat down, everything was quite familiar; paint, brushes, paper towel and water.  I’ve actually never painted on canvas before so having one in front of me was kinda daunting.  I quickly realized that even if I had a painting buddy with me, we couldn’t have sat together, there were only single seats left at random tables.  So I guess you could say it was meant to be.

After the workshop started and I was able to kind of do my own thing with the painting, I of course got hung up in my own thoughts….there was a lot of frustration, sadness and even some confusion.   I was listening to all of the chatter around me and felt somewhat left out…even though in my heart I was feeling empowered.  How many people would have let both of their tickets go – wasted, money thrown away because of the thought of being in public, participating in a social event, alone?  Normally I would have…but I believe deep down I needed the quiet time.  Time to paint. Time to express myself.  Time to be speechless and basically be mute. I needed to be given that gift of time.

My painting is for my daughter and it’s so much more to me than the colors on the canvas. Maybe one day I’ll explain it to her and the importance it held for me that night. To be alone in a crowded room and work through my emotions and find peace.  paint-night

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