Finding Inspiration

I’ve been on pinterest the last few days trying to find inspiration and design ideas for the new home…

It got me thinking about what inspires me in general.  I can define my purpose in life now that it’s totally obvious because, you know, I’m a mom and all.

But what inspires me to do better in my life, to want to provide the best life for my son, myself and Jay?

The more I mull this over, the more I’m finding it’s an internal thing – I don’t know if it’s a maternal instinct or if I’m tapping in to my spiritual self here but I know that my desire to do better and more in life is coming from the core of my being.

I went to a team meeting last night and my “manager” (she’s really becoming a good friend) was doing her speech and she said that she’s taking the word “try” out of her vocab.  And I can see why…

I also plan on doing this, not just for my business, but for my life.  I’m not going to ‘try’ to get a house, we ARE going to buy a house.  I’m not going to try to get full time hours, I’m going to MAKE that shit happen ‘yo. 

I think by taking out that little word, it a) brings more positive energy to you b) less likely to fail and c) makes tasks more of a goal which in turn motivates to have a successful end result.  When you achieve your goals, no matter how small they may be, it’s a victory *insert happy dance* and it helps maintain that positive momentum.  

So, I’ve been inspired to take the word ‘try’ out of my vocabulary (did I mention that already?!!), I want to surround myself with more positive thoughts and energy.  I don’t want to leave room for doubt or an excuse not to achieve something. We’ve achieved the new car, we’re ready for a home of our own and another baby – in that particular order! oh what the hey, maybe throw a wedding in there somewhere. lol.

Do you think it’s possible that the word “inspire” though, has a text book definition, could mean something different to other people? or maybe I’m just too tired and should go to bed? Ha!

G’night all!

Baby brain

I really want to go to bed right now but I think the little guy may have fell asleep in my bed with Jay and don’t want to risk waking him up….

With everything coming around and falling in to place I feel like I may have joined Jay in the baby fever.

I don’t know if I’m ready for #2 – actually, yes, I am ready for #2, I’m just not ready to be pregnant before we move.  The minute we move in to the new place (where ever we end up) then we can broach that topic.

I had an enjoyable first pregnancy – aside from the wicked heartburn.  Everything was new – the belly, the feelings of the baby moving, the emotions and the new vision on life.  I’m very much looking forward to experiencing pregnancy for a second time – hind sight is 20/20 and maybe I’ll do things a little differently but I had a text book pregnancy with D so I must have done something right!

There’s also the fear of our second child never sleeping or having colic.  Then, I genuinely have fear of having a daughter.  

It’s a big topic to get in to (having a daughter)…as girls we absorb so much which affects our confidence, our perceptions of ourselves on so many levels….having so many self image issues myself, how can I raise a daughter to love herself and be confident in who she is on the inside without putting so much pressure on her physical image?  

Why don’t I have as many concerns for my son? I feel like for boys, if you buy decent enough clothes there won’t be any issues.  Knowing, myself and Jay, I think D will take many things personally – I hope we do a good job in teaching him how to cope with other people and make responsible choices with his actions and his words.

Well…I think I’m going to ponder a bit more as I drift to sleep…maybe more to come on this topic 🙂

Night all!

 

On the drive home

Have you ever gone to visit friends or family (who live within driving distance) and aside from the welcoming hugs and acknowledment of how it’s been too long, realize on the drive home how much you enjoy/miss their company?

I had this happen saturday night on the way home from Ottawa.
How is it that time slips by and despite how much we love and care for people, we don’t make time to see them?

I’m not intentionally doing this, I love travelling and visiting and even hosting friends and family (though our current space doesn’t quite accommodate).

Time is so precious and having a baby around makes me hyper aware of the speed of life.  It’s unsettling.

The Purge

Now that we have the new car, we have enough space to make a trip to the dump to discard items that can not be sold/donated/fixed and reused.

I have a bunch of clothes and kitchen items that are going out for donation….we’ve needed this purge for a while – maybe since before our last move.

We’re trying to be proactive for our move next year – we might be moving a half an hour out of town and the less we have to move, the better!

Also, we have to move the big ass desk back in to the back room – just in case I do get a job where I can work from home.  I don’t want to be lugging that big ass thing the day before training….

We haven’t yet sorted out what we’re going to do for child care.  We know we only need 3 days a week (yahoo!)

Anyways, I must get back to my “to do” list…I think I forgot to put nap on there….

Hope everyone has a wonderful week 🙂

Pondering

I’ve been thinking about my life’s journey a lot lately and a new found confidence in the path I’m on.

Instead of obsessing on how I’m going to obtain goals and make a better future, I’m just putting my faith in the fact that, where I’m going, and how I’m doing it, will take me to where I need to be and because of that, I think I may have saved myself a few grey hairs.

It sounds simple, but I believe in today’s society, we’re so focused on micromanaging our lives and bound to bet that we’re going to do this, buy that, live there and be this that it takes a lot of strength to step back and just trust.  Trust in ourselves, trust in our partner (and family) and trust in our spiritual beliefs.  How many of us just “go with the flow”.  I’m not trying to sound like a Hippie people, I don’t want this life to drive me crazy and feel like I’m still in the rat race.

Right now, I’m feeling liberated at the thought that I can just exist and I have confidence that the decisions I make by myself (or with Jay) are the ones we were destined to make.  If I fail, I needed to learn that particular lesson, at that particular time and I have no choice but to grow from it.

Life is what we perceive…and right now, life is good.

 

It’s the Journey

I got no sleep over this car last night…I’m seriously looking forward to turning this laptop off tonight and getting some quality shut eye.

Why didn’t I sleep? Buyers remorse? financial implications? how the ‘F’ am I going to drive an SUV/Van cross over when I can barely handle the avenger?!

I emailed our Broker first thing because I wanted to be told we were ruining our lives.  However, that was not the answer I got.  The answer I basically received, (and seriously, kudos to him for being so patient with me because I practically email him every time we put gas in the car to make sure we can afford it) was, get a full time job and everything will work out.  

Well.  Here I am, closing in on the last 30 days of my maternity leave. I want to vomit.   I want to curl up and hide and stay home with my little goober, but, if I can make our lives better by getting the full time hours, banking a little extra dough, then I’m on it.

Then…We got word that the purchase of the Journey is good to go and we can pick up the monster Friday morning. 

Jay didn’t know I closed the deal because he was at work. So I popped in to the grocery store on my way to pick him up and got a tiny cake and had “Bon Journey” scripted on …you know, if I were french, it would have been “Bon Journee” (translates to Good Day…and it really was a good day!) .. see that play on words…Jay got it right away when he read it that we got the car…and bonus! cake for supper! 

Aside from all of that business, I had a really great day with my baby boy.  It was busy…lots of visiting, and I have to say, I have so many amazing people in my life (even family!) that make my journey special to me.

I posted on facebook late this afternoon how I was overwhelmed with confidence of my life’s journey. The people with whom I visited today, inspired me, calmed me and shared some love.  This was a BON JOURNEE!

Another Day…Another Dollar Spent

I’m really excited that our appointment today went really well with the dealership….nothing is concrete but we’ll know in a day or two!

I have a feeling tomorrow is going to be a not so exciting day…waking up at 5am in order to wake myself up enough to take Jay to work and then come home – feed the baby and go back to sleep for a while.

Running errands isn’t overly fun…especially now that the little boy is no longer in his carrier car seat (I refer to it as a bucket lol)…so every time I get out of the car I’ve got unbuckle the kid and either carry him or haul the stroller out of the trunk.  Will someone PLEASE make a car seat that can be used beyond 22 pounds? and please, make it so it won’t hurt one’s back lugging it around with the kid in it?! and maybe make the kid feel lighter than he really weighs? hahaha. I guess I’ll just keep dreaming.

Anyways…can’t imagine my fun filled day of errands will spark an entry tomorrow but you never know.

Good night interweb!

Mood Board

I’ve been thinking the last few days, that it would be nice if I could start creating mood boards for the future house we’re destined to buy in the spring.  True, we have no idea what it will look like, but a mood board would start the creativity process…I certainly have enough Chatelaine magazines around to make a few color schemed rooms!

Jay and I have been working on our budget so we need some inspiration to stay motivated with our budget and our goal of buying a home.

Being visual people, I think the mood board would fit perfectly!

ps. looks like the Dodge Journey is a go….we heard from our Broker and he said there shouldn’t be a problem just roughly knowing what our Avenger is worth and what we would approximately be financing for the Journey! – small victory dance!

This is not the one we’re buying…just a sexy picture of one I found on google

 

While my little one sleeps

This picture was actually taken July 13 in Ottawa.

So today I went to put D down for his nap (in my bed so I could lay down too and give my back a break) and I didn’t turn the t.v on – I just had his soother and his little scout dog playing environmental sounds (love the dog btw).

I literally snuggled my boy until he fell asleep (surprisingly, he let me).

It didn’t take very long, maybe 10 minutes for him to settle down but I watched him drift in to sleep and it was the most beautiful thing I’ve experienced as a mom.

The whole giving birth thing was a gong show and a story for another day….

I cherish the days that he remains solely dependant on Jay and I because one day I’m going to wake up and my little boy will say to me, “see ya later mom and dad, I’m going out for the day with my buds”.  Though I see that as bittersweet and maybe a mini right of passage, it will be the moments like I had today that I will fondly remember and be proud of the man he’s growing up to be.

*tear*

Back Pain

A few years ago I played volleyball on Thursday nights.  This was a fun night out and a little extra cardio that I normally wouldn’t get.

The next day, I went out and did a big grocery order and ladies, wouldn’t you agree that sometimes it’s just easier to carry 10 bags in the house than make a second trip?

See where I’m getting at?  So the day after getting groceries….I was in a whole universe of pain. I had full out muscle spasm’s that would stiffen my whole body and curl my fingers and toes like I had the worst ever case of rheumatoid arthritis or was making an all too realistic impression of rigor.  Guys, I couldn’t get off the floor to go pee…it took me half an hour to  CRAWL to the bathroom (Jay was at work so what’s a girl to do?)

So eventually I get my butt to urgent care, and receive the diagnosis of a Mechanical Back Sprain.  No xray…no mri…nothing.  And oh, by the way, you’re going to have to be careful for the rest of your life now that you’ve effed up your back.  Here’s an Rx for physio.

Thanks a heap.  Physio was great though! I highly recommend it if you have insurance coverage for it!

So, as the doctor warned me, I’ve had to be careful… and every time I wasn’t, I silently suffered (don’t listen to Jay, I don’t complain THAT much) until things straightened out.

Fast forward to September/October of 2012..Baby D sleeping in his bassinet like an angel beside the bed…when he stirs because he’s hungry in the middle of the night, mama has only had a few hours of broken sleep (because I have to check his breathing every 15 minutes) I’m twisting my body in a way that a person with a bad back shouldn’t.  I didn’t realize this until December or January when I tweaked my back that I shouldn’t be doing that and it took FOR-freaking-EVER to work itself out.

Today.  I’m in excruciating pain. I thought walking around today would work it out. nope.  laying horizontal is the only way my spine will love me.  My almost 11 month old son?  He has his own agenda which doesn’t include letting mama lay down unless it’s his nap time.

This girl needs to get healthy…it’s the only way my back problems will lessen.  How do people stay so committed to walking (I’m not going to fork out wads of money on a gym membership that I’ll use religiously for a month and then never again)?  I live in a great area for walking but to be truthful internet, I’m lazy. I want to be healthy, I’ve been healthy in the past but I get bored…so helpful tips and tricks on how to keep walking fresh and interesting (maybe I need to take my camera along?) are greatly appreciated!